The trophy of being is not the one you gain with your thought but with your heart. A heart what is stuck into self, its pains, grief and also resentments, soaking into pithiness, might not quite contribute to your being. As the stuck feelings might downsize you into your prophesied means. In the forgotten pains, the forgetfulness of yourself, the pains you carry along and the mistrust what goes on and on as a red thread in your life has become a farce of being. As you are qualified in your behavior to forgetfulness of self, of making laughter the distraction and being so used to operate and live besides your energetic space has become an art. It has become your art of living.
You are far more qualified than you think you are, what you live until so far and your pains are about to be captured and sheltered in that body groove of being. It is quite a devastating manner of living as once the universe has knocked on your door and you keep sheltering, ignoring and being the laughter of your own being, you haven’t a clou what life is all about.
Life might just be so much more than you show, what you live and that masking actress of you might mask you but the real (authentic) ones just poke right through it. As they are able to see… right in your soul. What they accomplish to see is that you are faking yourself, others too. Showing the world an adapted version, a sustained belief of what others think they expect of you, what they like of you and how they want you rather to be.
Being is not coping. Living a coping mechanism. Being is not faking. Being is also not laughing your pains so much away that you start believing that all is well. Inside you. Your internal you. On soul level. It itches and bulbs, it scratches and utters and you won’t feel the wound(s) of the past as your coping mechanism has settled inside yourself and you even not feel that the way you act, isn’t yours.
You have to start forgiving yourself, girl. What has caused you your deepest pains and only then you are able to find the right, essential you. To be, being, just the way you are supposed to be. The more you unleash yourself of the burdens of the past the more you can undo yourself of that led balloon of pains and mistreatment what caused you so much hurt and sorrow that you are walking on that thin line of life: the border of the existential line.
You are so much more than you show, you are so much capable of what you manage and work out. You are outstanding beautiful and you won’t see it. Feel it. Just the way I can see it with the eyes and energy of my soul. You are balancing on the mistrust and on your forgotten pains what resides in your being like a thick wooden thorn. You have to manage to pull that thorn of pain out and once you are recognizing what I am saying you can take a leap and take advantage of removing that itch of pain what keeps on itching.
Laughter won’t help. Just a while. Been there too, you know. It is not the laughter what keeps you alive it is the universe what kept you going so long. But now it’s time to unleash you of the burdens and start making progress as the divine timing has come. To step forward into the meanings of your soul, its path and your prophesied life. The universe has knocked, is still knocking and will start slamming on your door as you keep ignoring them, you don’t let them in or when you send them away.
As a beautiful divine creature you have to start recognizing your inner belief and its source, its pains and you have to give room to the tears what aren’t shed. For so far. I believe you feel what I am saying. You stiff headed human being. You think you have got it all, manage it all but the moment you set yourself still and are able to stand still you feel what I am talking about.
Start forgiving yourself for the pain you feel, the tears you forgot to shred, the shelter and walls you built against your pains. Make the first step by taking that figural slam hammer and start bouncing, slamming and demolishing that wall, fence or shelter what you so manually constructed over the years. Since your childhood.
Forgiveness can only grow when you have forgiven yourself. You are not the offender nor the victim. Anymore. As it is now. The moment now. You probably have victimized yourself over the years and acknowledgement will open any brick, mask or wall you built to protect yourself. You are able to do that. You are not that little girl anymore, that woman that was traumatized, what was mistreated. You are you in the moment and every day you have to possibility to step over it and come out that cave, that prison you have shaped for yourself.
Life isn’t so bad after all. There are many, many goodhearted souls and once you have opened yourself you will see that you attract just the kind of people that match your frequency, resonate and are so like wise that you never feel alone again. You can do this girl. Give room to yourself and dive in your essentiality by being… yourself after all…